I find it heard to stay motivated to write as of late. Always busy, always on the move, and always thinking…over-thinking…about how things should be done. This pertains to my life, motherhood, partnership, and my blog. I started out with having a specific aesthetic in mind and lately I am finding it stifling. So many rules, so little time and patience. I started out with the intentions that my blog must make money, must follow a certain, quick path. What I am finding is that mentality is preventing me from wanting to share anything because I might not be able to make it fit. It’s leaving creativity to the side and inserting unattainable perfectionism in the void. I forget to find joy in the mundane and favor the busy. I am happy that I am slowly moving away from the need to be busy and to feel like I am not being productive. So what? Being productive 100% of the time is severely overrated, unhealthy, and I am missing the best moments of my life, while I am living them.
I am an advocate at heart and I love to educate as much as I love to be educated. I enjoy sharing information, I just don’t want it to be an algorithm-led, stale, cold type of information output. I want it to be genuine, authentic, and how I wish to express myself with my inner voice. Besides, if you can’t do something in a way that you love, why bother doing it at all?
Do I still have to feed my family, break up fights between my kids, pay my bills, and clean house? Absolutely. But I am finding that I am telling myself to hurry up and slap dinner on the table, and hurry up and clean the house – ALL the way, and exasperated that my almost 9 year old and almost 6 year old are at it again, instead of taking my time to have a teaching moment. Part of it is my ADHD brain. It’s go-go or nothing at all. Mostly though, I think it’s the busy world butting its nose into my life a little too much and me getting caught up in the whirlwind that is life sometimes…but doesn’t have to be.
This week my kids are on spring break from schooling. I am finding it the perfect time to slow down and reflect on how I really want the ‘aesthetic’ of my life to look like. Do I want to be constantly busy and missing the moments I crave in my mind? Or would I rather shorten that to-do list and life more presently in the moment with myself and with my kids? I think I’ll be choosing the latter. The grass isn’t always greener, and who wants grass any way? Some people do, but I want clover and dandelions. I do not want the Joneses front yard, I want the weird cottage witch’s front yard where crows are welcomed, and children play. I want the beautiful life I have created for me and my family to be inspiring, not a checkbox.